World Claps Politely As America Doesn't Fuck Up This Time

Global News, Nov 4 2008

Nations around the globe applauded, smiling encouragingly to hide internal sighs of relief, as America failed to embarrass itself at the Special Elections yesterday. World leaders were quick to thump the United States on the shoulder and tell them "You did a really great job!"

"It's great to see them so happy!" said England. "At a time like this it's really important to focus on the positive and make them feel included. We can't make them feel bad, asking why they couldn't have done this last time or why they felt the need to create a global depression or involve us in a hideously intractable war. The important thing is that they did a really super job, this time, and we're all really proud of them."

"You can't judge these states by the same rules as the rest of us," Germany points out, ruffling Florida's hair as the overexcited state ran past. "To the rest of us the choice between the a successor of the man who's destroyed the country and his functionally retarded sidekick or an alternative might seem easy, but they don't see it that way. Choices can be really hard, and Palin reminds them of their friends mom who gives them jelly sometimes."

Afterwards the states were invited to a pizza party at which every single one received some form of trophy. Even states which voted for McCain were given an award for trying and special "I took part!" stickers. There was also ice cream for everyone except California, who embarrassed all present by dropping a huge human rights violation all over the public floor. The state is known to get very sulky sometimes, and will probably be let keep Proposition 8 for a couple of years before mature adults take it away again.