New Site Online

Move along folks, plenty to see here but even more (and better organized) over on my new site.

See you there!

The Story of a Young Gentleman and Some Dirty Girls

Mocking idiots online is a fair fraction of my job description, which is why I'm delighted to encounter an online hero instead.

Actors are paid millions to convey this level of emotion
He wasn't smart, and he wasn't thinking, and there is in fact a fair chance someone else had to turn the computer on for him. But he's the greatest gentleman I've ever encountered on YouTube. Read the story to find the best clash between a young fool and a big fat hidden asshole since Han Solo and Jabba the Hutt.

The Worst Gaming College Ads Ever

Because "You could be a game designer!" is the new "I'll give you some magic beans for that cow."

If you don't want to punch this guy, well done on revealing yourself as a robot, SUCKER!

Read the article to find out how even four years of sitting around drinking can be turned into a waste of time. I think these guys were less employable as graduates.

The Eightiest Movie Of All Time

Of course it features Mr T. Of course there's a community center. Of course it's awesome.

You are being pitied direct from 1984
Cracked continues to kick ass with my Mr T Defines A Decade Feature. READ! PITY! DIGG!

The Top 5 Kickass Car Weapons Conversions

DVD player? GPS? Side-impact airbags? Wimps.


THIS is an optional extra, where the "option" is "destroying anything"
The fine folks over at Carsumer feature my work on the Top 5 Civilian Vehicle Weapons Systems, including a gun that's normally fitted to battleships, a rocket-launching motorbike, and the most shit-kickenest-SUV in the world.

Truly Terrifyingly Tacky Phones

Do you hate the way modern technology is getting ever cheaper and more useful? Are you too dependent on electricity to go full-Luddite, but want to show your contempt for progress? Then you need these phones!

The Twilight Phone, combining modern communications with proof you'll never have anything worth saying! The Toshiba Drape, a "smart"phone without a screen! Or the Privé, one hundred and forty thousand pounds "worth" of gold turned to the destruction of retro-cool!
You'll want to go read about those.

Cannibal Mutant Gravity-Gun Murder: The Hidden

I'm not going to lie: Cannibal Mutant Gravity-Gun Murder is such an awesome phrase I'm going to say it as much as possible. Luckily the acronym, CMG-GM, doesn't really work so I have an excuse to enjoy each syllable every single time. Never mind getting to actually do it in a game!

I'd swear we had a team-mate instead of this pile of blood and corpse-parts
It's an absolutely free game, and you should go over to Lowpings to read about it. Unless you don't like genetically engineered superstrong killing machines. You weirdo.