Norton Technovation

Behold, as the Dominion of Luke expands to ever more and higher profile sites! My piece on "Technovation" for Norton can be found here, presuming you're prepared to scroll halfway down the page.

Yes, this is Norton the anti-virus people. Yes, this is a bigger gig than any I've had before. Yes, I am very excited and well paid.

Rapidly Growing Oil Prices Threaten To Engulf The Planet

Recent investor panic over the continuing rise in oil prices was replaced by global, better-founded panic with the news that if they continue to grow at their current rate oil prices will cover three-quarters of the Earth by 2010.

Petrochemical researcher Professor Huygen spoke at the White House "People are so concerned over the short term effects of oil prices - having to walk, discovering SUVs are perhaps less than optimal for the city, being poor - they can't see the big picture: at their current rate of expansion, oil prices will dominate the eastern seaboard within five months."

American media has been an early victim of this unchecked growth - increasing sections of the Wall Street Journal and financial supplements nationwide have been covered in oil prices for the last few months. The President was set to order recall of armed forces to combat the expanding oil prices when Professor Huygen tried to explain why that wouldn't work. Talks stalled for several hours at this point, until Huygen asked "What do tanks drink when they get thirsty?"

At this point the President is reported to have said "Oh, I get it."

Plans for new eco-friendly military vehicles are being rushed through production. Initial testing of solar powered fighter jets has revealed some flaws in the fundamental concept, though pedal-powered troop transports are now found to get faster the more people they carry. The President is also urging congress to allow drilling off the coast, in Alaska, and basically anywhere else an oil derrick will fit in order to head off the skyrocketing prices.

"The way I see it, this problem is only happening because we've based our entire economy on a single finite resource. So all we have to do is find some more of that finite resource, and this will never ever happen again."