Why The US Should Invade BP

My first guest column up at Cracked, looking at little things like "making the Gulf of Mexico go second in chess" and "more damage to American shores than all the wars in history combined."

I can tell I'm doing well because it got idiotic comments within moments of going online, including one man accusing my article (based entirely on blowing up everything flammable BP owns, which is all of it) of supporting nationalizing industries, and thus being a filthy commie.

You'll want to read it. And Digg it. And everything else - the better this does, the more I get to do!

History's Top 10 E3 Screwups

It's easy to be impressed by the latest and greatest in screwup technology, from Microsoft's hopeless "Let's copy the Wii!" disaster to - at the other end of the spectrum - Sony's exact same thing. But let's not forget the disasters of the past!

Apart from everything else wrong with this image, she's badly overpriced

Go, enjoy my first feature article on GamesRadar!

Vuvuzelas And The Hate Thereof

Football-fan-friends told me of this "vuvuzela", and I cared not, then I heard them in a pub once and went from nought-to-soulhatred in ten seconds flat.

Find out how Vuvuzelas can combat extinction, rid the world of Tila Tequila, and what we should do about them here.

The Top 5 Non-Breast-Based Cosplays

Gaming cosplay articles are where substandard gaming bloggers show how much they wish they worked on Maxim (For Men), or Poorly Constructed Sexual Metaphors By People Who’ve Never Been Involved In The Process (For Virgins).

The 6 Manliest Sports In The World

If you even think of supporting someone in the World Cup, think of these guys:

They're trying to rip each other's ears off, and using their own to do it. For a crowd. Feel free to claim any other sportsman deserves respect if you can, because you'll know they're really a pansy.

This, Octopus Wrestling and more over at the 6 Manliest Sports In The World!

Make With The Mario

I'm not going to lie to you - if that image doesn't make you want to read the article, you and me ain't got nothin' to talk about. Such is my contempt for your opinion I'll even use a double negative while talking to you.

Go read and Digg it you sexy wonderful person you!

Anatomical Acrostic All Dugg Up

Another article on the front page of Digg, because that's the kind of thing I do. This time it's one of my daily prank reports for ZUG, where graduating students played sexy word-games with the student newspaper, and Utah residents were apparently genuinely horrified to find that legal adults knew names for the things "Down There."

In Utah, this should have read "The Devil's Workmate" and been followed by three Hail Marys

Also featured in the article: THE WORST WORD IN THE WORLD!

The Top 5 FPS Females

Previously we looked at the 5 Worst Fan Female Conversions, programmed proof that at least ten testicles will never know their intended function. This week we go all bright side and look at some seriously stylish (and non-sex based) software updates for your first person shooters.

That girl's packing more hardware than NASA

Taking TF2 to Counter-Strike

If that title was just a meaningless string of noise-making syllables, skip this article. Don't worry, we're only talking about two of the greatest games ever made here. For those who like fun things, pop quiz, hotshot: how can Valve update CS when the counter-terrorists already have hats?

You know you need to Reddit and Digg that.