The Worst Gaming College Ads Ever

Because "You could be a game designer!" is the new "I'll give you some magic beans for that cow."

If you don't want to punch this guy, well done on revealing yourself as a robot, SUCKER!

Read the article to find out how even four years of sitting around drinking can be turned into a waste of time. I think these guys were less employable as graduates.

Cannibal Mutant Gravity-Gun Murder: The Hidden

I'm not going to lie: Cannibal Mutant Gravity-Gun Murder is such an awesome phrase I'm going to say it as much as possible. Luckily the acronym, CMG-GM, doesn't really work so I have an excuse to enjoy each syllable every single time. Never mind getting to actually do it in a game!

I'd swear we had a team-mate instead of this pile of blood and corpse-parts
It's an absolutely free game, and you should go over to Lowpings to read about it. Unless you don't like genetically engineered superstrong killing machines. You weirdo.

The Counter-Strike Guide To Grammar

You'd think people who spend so much time at a computer would know how to type properly. If you've never been online before.

Read, Reddit and Digg - not just for me, but for the noble cause of "Understanding that words need to mean things without being a prick about it."
UPDATE: I never expected to be promoted by a New York Times bestselling author, which is why the Terrahawks spent most of the 80s telling me to "Expect The Unexpected."


Hells yeah!

The Atari 2600 Overdose Experiment

I can no longer hear music or see more than four objects on the same horizontal row at a time, so where you see an orchestra I now fear a flickering mass of lunatic ghost mimes. And because I spent a full day playing Atari 2600 games, I got off lightly.

A whole bucket of pain.

Read the whole thing here, then appreciate how I not only suffered the games and wrote the whole but also made sure my "Please Digg and Reddit this" sentence was unique!

If not for me, Digg it for the retrotech!

History's Top 10 E3 Screwups

It's easy to be impressed by the latest and greatest in screwup technology, from Microsoft's hopeless "Let's copy the Wii!" disaster to - at the other end of the spectrum - Sony's exact same thing. But let's not forget the disasters of the past!


Apart from everything else wrong with this image, she's badly overpriced

Go, enjoy my first feature article on GamesRadar!

The Top 5 Non-Breast-Based Cosplays

Gaming cosplay articles are where substandard gaming bloggers show how much they wish they worked on Maxim (For Men), or Poorly Constructed Sexual Metaphors By People Who’ve Never Been Involved In The Process (For Virgins).

That isn't the case here.

Make With The Mario

I'm not going to lie to you - if that image doesn't make you want to read the article, you and me ain't got nothin' to talk about. Such is my contempt for your opinion I'll even use a double negative while talking to you.
Go read and Digg it you sexy wonderful person you!

The Top 5 FPS Females

Previously we looked at the 5 Worst Fan Female Conversions, programmed proof that at least ten testicles will never know their intended function. This week we go all bright side and look at some seriously stylish (and non-sex based) software updates for your first person shooters.

That girl's packing more hardware than NASA

Go check it out!

Taking TF2 to Counter-Strike

If that title was just a meaningless string of noise-making syllables, skip this article. Don't worry, we're only talking about two of the greatest games ever made here. For those who like fun things, pop quiz, hotshot: how can Valve update CS when the counter-terrorists already have hats?

You know you need to Reddit and Digg that.

Extinct Arcade Action!

Computer games, misspent youth and Cracked comedy - I love how my entire life trained me for this gig.

Press 1P to Go Read! Are you a bad enough dude to Digg it?
BONUS: The original, unedited image!

The Sniper Showdown!

I rate five sniper rifles on effectiveness and fun, and according to the modern media that still makes me sound psycho when you know I'm talking about video games!

Full marks for style, zero for "How to actually use a sniper rifle"

Go read and reddit!

The 5 Worst Attempts At Coding Girls Into Games

Thanks to XBox, equality of the sexes, and the simple fact that we've all passed through puberty since Leisure Suit Larry, the stereotype of the tragically single gamer is accurate. And thanks to the efforts of these five electro-virgins, it was all for nothing.

You can call Freud on 911, right?

Enjoy even more terrifying glimpses into the minds of people who are out there, loose, right now - and thank games for keeping them indoors.

The Internet's Only Entirely Positive Gaming Tattoo Article!

It's all too easy to mock gaming tattoos, in the same way it's easy to mock people who set themselves on fire. Which is why most articles about them end up as funny as a surgeon's apology. But not this one!


I didn't even need to be funny after a photo like that, but I did it anyway. So read and Reddit!

The Stupidest Hardcore Gaming Peripherals

Do you like to play games? Do you like to pay ridiculous mark-ups on pieces of plastic because they allegedly have something to do with games?

Pity. These guys were hoping for a 'yes' there.



the unfair advantage over your rivals in lowlight conditions. (That is an actual quote from the advertising)

Behold the perils of cyborg mice, paying to punch yourself in the chest, and the awesome power of the DESTRUCTOR GAMING SURFACE! Read it and Reddit.

Blizzard's Top 3 Pranks on World of Warcraft Players

I only wish I got as much money for taking the piss.

Pandaren delivery boys, WoW on the 2600, and drunken collectibles over at ZUG! (Then Reddit.)

WASD or GTFO: Great and God-Awful Gaming T-Shirts

Anti-fashionable fun over at Lowpings, because we can all agree on one thing: You don't want to be this guy

Do the "reading" thing here to see the BFG, some stylish kit you could actually wear to work, and the one way to turn Counter-Strike clothing into an even worse idea. Like it? Reddit!

The Video Game Movie Sucktacular!

Behold, as I endure the latest and anti-greatest in videogame movies at GameSpy! Not Street Fighter, not House of the Dead, not even Bloodrayne. No, I have Street Fighter 2, House of the Dead 2, and even Bloodrayne 2, and many other examples of how Hollywood just can't stop doing terrible things!

Please note this is the first time that "Street Fighter 2" has been a bad thing.

Understand: I watched Uwe Boll so you didn't have to. If you don't have any Medals of Honor lying around, a Digg or Reddit would work just as well.

I've also noticed that my last three articles here have been about videogames, I had to watch Doom drunk, play Atari games and dance on DDR to research them (also drunk), and that my life is excellent.

Modern Games That Would Have Sucked on the Atari 2600

I had a lot of fun with this one (note: none of the fun was while actually playing Atari 2600 games as research.)

Go! Enjoy! Digg! Reddit!

Allies Win World War II, Round MMMLXV

Cries of joy substituted for shellfire across the servers last night, as millions of Allied troops celebrated victory in World War II for the three thousand and sixty-fifth time that day.

The Reichstag falls (127.7 times an hour)

“It’s been a hard struggle” said Sergeant Martin, who first answered the Call of Duty in 2004 (and again in 2005, 2006, and once more in 2008.) “Those dirty Huns sure are persistent, and seem to keep reappearing five-to-seventeen seconds after you kill them, but by God we pushed forward and stood on the designated map marker for thirty seconds. Thereby resolving the entire nightmarish tangle of debts and international pressures which drowned a quarter of the world in blood.”

(read the rest at LowPings)

Vendor Trash: The Top 10 Worst World of Warcraft Cash-Ins

Would you spend $550 on this?

Would you think anyone capable of even imagining that could use a computer? They can, but for "use" substitute the exact opposite phrase "play World of Warcraft." If you're interested, and want to see women painted green drinking mana potions, go read the full article on GameSpy. And Digg it!