The Eightiest Movie Of All Time

Of course it features Mr T. Of course there's a community center. Of course it's awesome.

You are being pitied direct from 1984

Cracked continues to kick ass with my Mr T Defines A Decade Feature. READ! PITY! DIGG!

The Top 5 Kickass Car Weapons Conversions

DVD player? GPS? Side-impact airbags? Wimps.

THIS is an optional extra, where the "option" is "destroying anything"

The fine folks over at Carsumer feature my work on the Top 5 Civilian Vehicle Weapons Systems, including a gun that's normally fitted to battleships, a rocket-launching motorbike, and the most shit-kickenest-SUV in the world.

Truly Terrifyingly Tacky Phones

Do you hate the way modern technology is getting ever cheaper and more useful? Are you too dependent on electricity to go full-Luddite, but want to show your contempt for progress? Then you need these phones!

The Twilight Phone, combining modern communications with proof you'll never have anything worth saying! The Toshiba Drape, a "smart"phone without a screen! Or the Privé, one hundred and forty thousand pounds "worth" of gold turned to the destruction of retro-cool!

The linked site has been reorganized, removing this link.

Cannibal Mutant Gravity-Gun Murder: The Hidden

I'm not going to lie: Cannibal Mutant Gravity-Gun Murder is such an awesome phrase I'm going to say it as much as possible. Luckily the acronym, CMG-GM, doesn't really work so I have an excuse to enjoy each syllable every single time. Never mind getting to actually do it in a game!

I'd swear we had a team-mate instead of this pile of blood and corpse-parts

It's an absolutely free game, and you should go over to Lowpings to read about it. Unless you don't like genetically engineered superstrong killing machines. You weirdo.

The Amazingly Bad Beer Breakfast Experiment

Beer for breakfast suggests an awful lot of problems, but those problems shouldn't be the actual beer. I sample the very worst brewing has to offer at ZUG, and actually end up soberer than when I started.

The CDC get to work with more appetizing bottles

Read what happens with Cannabis beer and the idiocy of Budd Light right now!