If you're being bothered by the ethereal undead and their endless wailing, you should call the Ghostbusters. If you want to read sweet comedy on the science of getting sloshed, which is frankly speaking a lot more likely, you should get your ass over to Cracked's newest columnist: Robert Brockway WORD PUNCHER. Or rather, get your ass sitting in front of a monitor displaying his article.
Master Brockway is a fellow science-humorist, and a damn fine one to boot. Of course his presence as Cracked's resident science-guy means I can't get the same gig. I am left with no option but to become his nemesis. First, I'll strike at his website by sending you over there. Then I will read everything he writes, forcing him to work himself into an early grave!
(This does make my existing enemy, Lordy, Robert's binemesis. Because as Lordy would say himself: The enemy of my enemy is next.)