Notification of Discontinuation of LexCorp Insurance

Valued Customer,

                    It is with regret that we are forced to terminate your Smithson & Son Incorporated Insurance policy #4554, effectively immediately.

                    While our century-strong business is founded on adaptability, understanding and willingness to work closely with our clients, we can no longer be involved with your Kryptonite Laser Warhead Project. We must confess this business expense has been a cause of concern in our offices for some time. Despite your repeated assurances that this device is purely a scientific research project, we have been unable to convince ourselves that an innocent data gathering device requires adamantium shackles clearly located to restrain the ankles, wrists and neck of a human (or humanoid) subject. Likewise, we can no longer accept your explanation that the holographic display unit creates the image of a female civilian reporter "as an unintended side-effect".

                    We are also forced to decline your claim for the cost of the Kryptonite Warhead, its Pluto-genic power source, and the entire LexCorp facility both were housed in. Our analysts tell us your explanation, that a carelessly dropped cigarette caused the complete immolation of a ten story scientific research laboratory, is doubtful at best. Even more so because of the unusually large number of extremely heavy lead-lined "fire-doors" throughout the building. Our forensic consultants also tell us that even if a freak zookeeping accident had released a herd of angry rhinoceri into the building, as per your claim, they would still not explain the fact that the holes punched in the remaining walls and floors form a perfectly straight line out of the building from the previously mentioned adamantium clamps.

                    We must ask you not to contact our offices again, or to attempt to entice us back with promises of the amount of business a billionaire can bring to the table (as you did after the "Diamond-tipped Chainsaw for Peace" affair). It occurs to us that someone becomes a billionaire by earning more from business transactions than they pay, as we expensively learned when forced to refund the full insurance amount on your "Communications Satellite" which accidentally focused solar energy on Metropolis, the "MP3 player" which coincidentally brainwashed the wearer (and did not play MP3s), and the less said about the two gross of Mithril-armored Scythe-Bots the better.

                    Naturally we wish you success on future business dealings, but feel that the simultaneous "Complete Loss To Fire", "Earthquake" and "Violent Assault" claims which have been filed with our offices by your weapons and exoplanetary-mineral refinement subsidiaries make this seem unlikely. Please accept our assurances that our rejection of your claim is unrelated with the fact that the phrase "STOP PAYING FOR HIS DEATH TRAPS" has been laser-engraved in our car park surface, apparently from orbit. Or the discovery that every car in the park had been hand-crushed down to matchbox size.

                    Thank you for doing business with Smithson & Son Incorporated Insurance,

                                                                                Sam Smithson, Senior Partner.

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