The Martini Madness Experiment

More mocking the laws of taste, both figuratively and orally, with The Martini Madness Experiment.

I made this then drank it. That is what's known as "Crime and Punishment."
I explain why James Bond is a pansy, endure a Bacontini, weaponize garlic and - purely by accident - find the best drink I've ever had. Enjoy.

The Wild World of Yeast

Fans of fun and beer need to buy The Beer Mag! Non-fans need to start drinking, that's why you're not having any fun.

This amazing adventure through alcohology shows how the sweetest fungus in history travels through time, sniffs for bombs through the horrors of genetic mutation, and is even being sent through space to Mars!

The Counter-Strike Guide To Grammar

You'd think people who spend so much time at a computer would know how to type properly. If you've never been online before.

Read, Reddit and Digg - not just for me, but for the noble cause of "Understanding that words need to mean things without being a prick about it."
UPDATE: I never expected to be promoted by a New York Times bestselling author, which is why the Terrahawks spent most of the 80s telling me to "Expect The Unexpected."


Hells yeah!

The Atari 2600 Overdose Experiment

I can no longer hear music or see more than four objects on the same horizontal row at a time, so where you see an orchestra I now fear a flickering mass of lunatic ghost mimes. And because I spent a full day playing Atari 2600 games, I got off lightly.

A whole bucket of pain.

Read the whole thing here, then appreciate how I not only suffered the games and wrote the whole but also made sure my "Please Digg and Reddit this" sentence was unique!

If not for me, Digg it for the retrotech!

Cinemasochism: Fatal Deviation!

You're either already bracing yourself or don't know that Fatal Deviation is the worst action movie ever made. Wait, make that didn't. This movie is logically impossible because there's no way any group this incompetent should know which end of the camera (singular) is the right one - we should have ended up with a ninety-minute close examination of what fetal alcohol syndrome does to an eyeball, and it would have been a significantly better movie.

Go witness the shocking expose at Cracked! Then Digg it, because guest column-ry could be a big deal! Then Facebook and Reddit while you're at it!

Why The US Should Invade BP

My first guest column up at Cracked, looking at little things like "making the Gulf of Mexico go second in chess" and "more damage to American shores than all the wars in history combined."

I can tell I'm doing well because it got idiotic comments within moments of going online, including one man accusing my article (based entirely on blowing up everything flammable BP owns, which is all of it) of supporting nationalizing industries, and thus being a filthy commie.

You'll want to read it. And Digg it. And everything else - the better this does, the more I get to do!

History's Top 10 E3 Screwups

It's easy to be impressed by the latest and greatest in screwup technology, from Microsoft's hopeless "Let's copy the Wii!" disaster to - at the other end of the spectrum - Sony's exact same thing. But let's not forget the disasters of the past!


Apart from everything else wrong with this image, she's badly overpriced

Go, enjoy my first feature article on GamesRadar!