Extinct Arcade Action!

Computer games, misspent youth and Cracked comedy - I love how my entire life trained me for this gig.

Press 1P to Go Read! Are you a bad enough dude to Digg it?

BONUS: The original, unedited image!

Cocktail Can Kiss My Ass

Tom Cruise has been wrong about almost everything, and like most people his poorest decisions were in the Eighties.

You'd get better drink-instruction from a Fundamentalist MADD member - for one thing, you'd learn how desperately people go wrong when they don't drink. I look at just how damaging this movie was, and why I still hate it.

The Sniper Showdown!

I rate five sniper rifles on effectiveness and fun, and according to the modern media that still makes me sound psycho when you know I'm talking about video games!

Full marks for style, zero for "How to actually use a sniper rifle"

Go read
and reddit!

The 5 Worst Attempts At Coding Girls Into Games

Thanks to XBox, equality of the sexes, and the simple fact that we've all passed through puberty since Leisure Suit Larry, the stereotype of the tragically single gamer is accurate. And thanks to the efforts of these five electro-virgins, it was all for nothing.

You can call Freud on 911, right?

Enjoy even more terrifying glimpses into the minds of people who are out there, loose, right now - and thank games for keeping them indoors.

Now on Newsstands: Beer Gadgets!

Behold the latest issue of The Beer Mag:

You'll notice that only one of those stories could possibly involve robo-barmen, sobriety-busting backpacks, ballistic beer launchers, and being by me.

You're going to want to buy that, in print or online.

You Made A Phone Out Of What?

Statues. Roman amphitheaters. Bond villain ballrooms. Mobile phones. One of these is not like the others - it's expected to move, and therefore shouldn't be sculpted out of marble.

Add some wood and platinum and you've got some idiotically unsuitable cellphone materials over at Dial-a-phone.