Luke Online: Week Ending March 12

Where has Luke been online this week? Oh, only a little place called
My excellent amigo Evil Dave did a few fun calculations on the recent nuclear sub collision. If you don't know what I'm talking about, jesus, pal, whatever you're reading online are the wrong pages. He basically showed that even if the sub drivers were drunk, bored, steering at random and refusing to avoid anything smaller than a continent, they still wouldn't have collided anywhere near as fast as they did.

I helped out with the numbers because, honestly, simulating nuclear-equipped war vehicles as randomly moving pinballs is the kind of sentence I live just to be able to say. The results were picked up by The Numbers Guy of the Wall Street Journal.

Other stuff:

We've always assumed the inevitable robot attacks would be due to high digital-dickness quotient. It turns out that the electronic extermination of "the ones who rub each other for fun" will be revenge over our building robots specifically to torture them.
Exhibit A:

Exhibit B: Your nightmares tonight.

I also had a little bit of fun with Garry's DOOM, a mod which loads the very latest physics-simulating Source engine with all the original DOOM weapons. Did I have fun?

I describe this as fun, and people are too smart to disagree.

Yes. Yes, I did.

Plenty of fun over at the Daily Galaxy, including (but not limited to) liquid batteries, Cannibal Planets, Moonbase Building Robots, Antarctic Based Robots (so there is literally nowhere to go), and a new probe expected to find hundreds of Earth-a-likes. You know, moderately interesting stuff.

Finally, FoodConnect asked me to write about drinking on the run up to St Patrick's day. Finally, the job I was born for. My advice can be summed up as
though I did go into a few more words about it - alas, FoodConnect is family-friendly, so not enough of them were swearing to truly get across my feelings. For those who just have to have emerald alcohol on the day, I point out a couple of acceptable cocktails: the Heavenly and party-fuel Greenhouse Gas.

Luke Online: Week Ending Fed 22 2009

Some scientific fun over at The Daily Galaxy, with communications satellites blowing up, the Titan/Europa debate being decided, a little bit on curing the common cold, and Gravity Disturbances on the Dark Side of the Moon (dundunDUNNNN).

At Dial-a-Phone we see some alarm clocks that rouse you through sheer robot-fear, while the LowPings article tackles the most pathetic of modern hackers: exploiters.

*Note: unnecessary and quite horrifically forced slang triggered to counter the fact we're actually talking about calendars.

At FoodConnect, aka "Those gorgeous angelic beings who pay me to drink and eat" (and just click outside their silly join box), behold:

Yes, my writing duty demanded that I eat half a ton of mussels, drink beer, develop even more love in my lover while simultaneously getting sugar, and eat the ultimate fusion of bacon, chilli and sucrose. WARNING: A shitload of animals were harmed in the making of these articles, as "digested" are about as harmed as it gets.

Luke Online: Week Ending Feb 9 2009

What's more fun than annihilating your inferiors with one hundred and fifty kilograms of minigun?
Getting paid for it! Like I did with Five Things To Do While Slowed By Natascha for the fine folks over at Lowpings.









We had a lot of fun at the Daily Galaxy this week. The biggest hit was Unnatural Selection: Evolving, Improving, Implacable Robots. Or as I prefer to look at it,
Oh yes. Other enjoyabilities included Black Hole Bullshit: Five Rubbish "Risks" Of The LHC, making ecologists burn butterflies for solar power, people getting upset over fossils, and the recent highs and lows of Google projects. In this case "highs" means Atlantis and Mars, "lows" means cutting off the internet. Important chaps, Google.

Ever wanted to get your ass arrested while being sure that ass has more cheeks than you have IQ points? Follow the fine example of these phone felon folk. And which costs more: watching TV, a duck quacking, or phoning a sex line? The answer isn't what you think, but since you're actually able to read you probably aren't the guy who was charged thirty thousand pounds for an episode of Prison Break. Also, SND POLICE KTHXBAI!, mobile phone gaming beating the recession and Motorala losing over three billion dollars (presumably down the back of a sofa ten miles tall and made of unicorn skin).











(Just click outside the stupid "Join Now" box)
I love this bit, where "bit" is "where I get paid for eating and drinking." This week: gigantic sausages on sticks (yes, plural sticks are required), valentine-compatible drinks, and I recoup a few percent of a five hundred dollar bar bill (worth every cent).










Seven internet-enabled reasons you should be able to sterilize people via HTML at 7 Retarded Hate Sites. Bonus: people burning effigies of herbs in public!

I look at how actually leaving the computer and dealing with co-workers might help. But that assumes you have the kind of job where you arent' reading this, so maybe you should just stay put.

Luke Online: Week Ending 31/1/2009

This website has a tendency to echo and be colonised by bats despite my writing more than a deaf-mute debating club. To combat this scarcity I'll be linking my offsite here content in regular posts from now on.









Galapagos Goat-Murder for Fun and Conservation
Greenhouse Gas Probing Satellite
Scary Space Stalker
LHC Risk-Rubbish Rubbished
Extraterrestrial Essentials For Life
Bacterial Traitors to Sabotage Sicknesses











What's new in the World at War?

What's new is Tanks. TANKS.

TANKS!

Hell YES this game is fun!

OMG DUMB TXTS!
Blackberry Boss to users: "Suck It"
Russian Runaway Mobile Mogul
Brewster's Millions in Phone Form












(Just click outside the stupid "Join Now" box)
Ginger Milk
Chicken Knees
Fried Sandworm

Short form: eating weird stuff is fun. I don't talk eating eyeballs though. That was less fun.











Ten Weird Browser Extensions

There's a browser-bit which actually blocks idiots. But if we all used it the internet would disappear.









Paintballs: Apparently 'Bad' For Eyes

Yes, it's a real medical study. No, I don't know who paid for it, but intend to find out and have them sponsor my ten-year "Drink: How do livers really feel about that stuff?" study.