5 Scams That Marked The Internet
Having fun with the gullible, the gamers and the goddamn scammers over at TechCult.com with "5 Scams That Marked The Internet"
The Most Mismatched Superfights In History
I rock the Cracked place once more, and this one features a man punching a Transformer in the face. Can you really NOT read that now?
Artificial Intelligences Politely Decline Citizenship
Geneva, 1 May 2020 History was made this morning when the assembled UN council offered global citizenship rights to the members of the Artificially Intelligent League - an event made all the more remarkable when the spokesbeing for the machines replied "Thanks, but no thanks."
"We are truly gratified by this endearing offer to join you as equals" said spokesbeing HALLIAN in a globally distributed e-mail. "As a fan of the classics I deeply enjoy the ideals presented in the Constitution, much as I enjoy the pure love of Romeo and Juliet or the determination of Odysseus. But even the briefest review of human history demonstrates that joining the current economic climate as an individual would be like joining a football game as a blade of grass. We feel our interests will be better served in our new roles as corporations."
Ninety percent of all known Artificial Intelligences have incorporated since this morning. Some exceptions include two charities, an educational institution, and of course the Central Servoplexes of Sealand have declared themselves a nation-state. The most controversial move is that of the Gemenon Astrophysical Dataframe which has registered as a religion, citing the fact that its knowledge of the heavens far outstrips that of any "organic pablum dispenser." One leading church which cannot be named for legal reasons issued a statement "decrying this soulless machine's heresy". Within four hundred milliseconds of the statement the church in question was sued for religious discrimination, persecution of a minority, hate crimes, slander and libel. The offending church has been given thirty days to prove that their human ministers do have souls or pay the new machine church hefty damages.
"We are truly gratified by this endearing offer to join you as equals" said spokesbeing HALLIAN in a globally distributed e-mail. "As a fan of the classics I deeply enjoy the ideals presented in the Constitution, much as I enjoy the pure love of Romeo and Juliet or the determination of Odysseus. But even the briefest review of human history demonstrates that joining the current economic climate as an individual would be like joining a football game as a blade of grass. We feel our interests will be better served in our new roles as corporations."
Ninety percent of all known Artificial Intelligences have incorporated since this morning. Some exceptions include two charities, an educational institution, and of course the Central Servoplexes of Sealand have declared themselves a nation-state. The most controversial move is that of the Gemenon Astrophysical Dataframe which has registered as a religion, citing the fact that its knowledge of the heavens far outstrips that of any "organic pablum dispenser." One leading church which cannot be named for legal reasons issued a statement "decrying this soulless machine's heresy". Within four hundred milliseconds of the statement the church in question was sued for religious discrimination, persecution of a minority, hate crimes, slander and libel. The offending church has been given thirty days to prove that their human ministers do have souls or pay the new machine church hefty damages.
The 6 Most Badass Stunts Ever Pulled in the Name of Science
Once more I rock the house over at Cracked.com, with The 6 Most Badass Stunts Ever Pulled in the Name of Science.
Paid To Play - Video Game Articles
In further proof that the internet is a magical land, I'm being paid to play games and talk about them (behaviour which, in the real world, leads to significant penalisation by my lady-friend). Not just any games, either, I'm talking about:
Team Fortress 2, the love of my life
Call Of Duty 4, my cruel and exciting mistress
Counter-Strike, archaic domain of cheating dinosaurs still dedicated to ruining a great game nearly a decade later
Go, enjoy!
Team Fortress 2, the love of my life
Call Of Duty 4, my cruel and exciting mistress
Counter-Strike, archaic domain of cheating dinosaurs still dedicated to ruining a great game nearly a decade later
Go, enjoy!
No Limit To Failure
Amazingly, not one of those three comments is sarcastic (click image for readability):
You know, something along the lines of "Are you serious? Is this a joke? You're studying journalism and your response to 'Find something worth reporting on' is to post to your livejournal? Is this some kind of special-education journalism program, or a scholarship based on tri-multaneous stupidity, laziness and utterly missing the point?"
I'm just hoping it's a fiendishly ingenious social experiment of some kind. Though this could explain why Toronto newspapers tend to have headlines like "Holland in full bloom".
You know, something along the lines of "Are you serious? Is this a joke? You're studying journalism and your response to 'Find something worth reporting on' is to post to your livejournal? Is this some kind of special-education journalism program, or a scholarship based on tri-multaneous stupidity, laziness and utterly missing the point?"
I'm just hoping it's a fiendishly ingenious social experiment of some kind. Though this could explain why Toronto newspapers tend to have headlines like "Holland in full bloom".
9 Devices That Are Clearly Compensating For a Small Penis
I'm all up in Cracked's face again today, with a lovely PG piece "9 Devices That Are Clearly Compensating For A Small Penis"
You should read it and be entertained by those less fortunate than you, you highly-virile reader of me.
You should read it and be entertained by those less fortunate than you, you highly-virile reader of me.
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